New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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