Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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