and i looked up. we had an audience...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
