She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Randomize