She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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