It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
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Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
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Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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