Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
