the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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