Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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