Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
