my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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