I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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