I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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