if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
