you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
