I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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