I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
