you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
