Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I think i got beer on your cat.
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