Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
