I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
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He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
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Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
did i just pee glitter