My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?