You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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