bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize