I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
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No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
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Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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