Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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