i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
