no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
