party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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