I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
