What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
