you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
