I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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