I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
