make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
