If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
