On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
