then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Are my feet made of real feet?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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