That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
