you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
