so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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