I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
