doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
