hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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