I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
