Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
