Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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