How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
