I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
