ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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