I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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