I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
