You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
