Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize