What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
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So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
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There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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