so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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